I maginary boy Friend or the case of the IF

I can't believe it has been almost two weeks since my last post! I just got back from a most delightful and enlightening weekend. I have learned a lot about myself and about my "friends." I had great visits with B, M, E, A, R, Ct and my sister, D. There were some not-so-fun parts of the weekend, but it ended with some great old-fashioned girl-talk with M and E, my roommates from last year. I really miss those chats. I would love to go into all the fabulous discoveries I made about myself this weekend and I hope to very soon 'cause after all, I called this blog "Learning To Live" because I want it to be about all of life's lessons and the process of writing about my irrational thoughts and emotions helps me sort and organize them into rational thoughts etc. Anyway. What I would like to write about tonight is my imaginary boyfriend. I don't know if I have mentioned this phenomenon in this blog yet, and am too lazy to check, so I shall explain. My imaginary boyfriend is a fellow teacher who I am seriously attracted to, but I know he and I will never be anything because of numerous factors. But as anyone who knows me (or has read my historical entries) knows, I have an extremely bad habit of "over thinking" things and of making a little thing into a big thing...which means even though I am cool with imaginary boyfriend not being interested in being any more than friends, the irrational/emotional side of me still kind of produces reasons why his actions mean more than they do and MAYBE he is secretly attracted to me but doesn't have the self-confidence to admit he might be attracted to the fat girl...I dunno...you probably don't either...if fact you're probably thinking "what the hell is she talking about?" Let me explain using the actual situation...

So tonight, after I get in to Bonnyville (I've been in Lethbridge for Convocation), as only a first-year teacher would, I go to the school first instead of going to my apartment. I check my email, answer an excellent question posed to me by my friend A, and in comes Imaginary boyFriend (we'll call him IF - do you see how that works?), IF asks how my weekend, listens to my retelling of events and we're laughing and joking, he fills me in on what happened at school today (apparently my sub didn't show - yipee!), and then the Janitor comes in to say he is leaving and its just us in the school. When the Janitor leaves IF says "I actually brought my dog to see you but then (Janitor) was here." So the irrational/emotional Pinky is now thinking...IF came to see me thinking we'd be the only ones at the school...he thought enough to bring his dog 'cause he knows how much I wish I had a puppy...how sweet (insert teenage girl giggle in thought process I'm sure)... I mean REALLY. The rational part of me says "PINKY" "You know better, he is just trying to be a good friend and mentor. His actions don't mean anything more than an offer of friendship." The rational part is probably right (it tends to be) but alas, I kind of wish that IF didn't think it would be so terrible to date someone who can't run or play sports, or wasn't deathly self-concious of her lack of physical fitness that she can't seem to fix the problem. I wish, that I didn't have to go home to an empty apartment with a lawn chair and boxes that are not unpacked even though I've lived there for 8 weeks already....BUT MOSTLY I wish that I didn't have these kind of thoughts, or feel the need to share them with people. I need to suck it up and quit being a juvinile idiot. And apparently I need a hug. But seriously, my weekend rocked, I guess I'm just sad its over.