Finally

Okay...so I just finnished talking with HIM. Doesn't feel so rewarding to put his name in capitals anymore...he kind of apologized. Well, at least he acknowledged that his behavior was not cool. I have made Monopoly night official...finally talked to the guy with the board. And I invited HIM. He is worried that it won't be a game...'cause there is too many people. So what? I said. It is only a game. I don't need it to be all intense or anything. I just want it to be a fun night... I think it will be. So back to our talk. He is still kind of upset that I made such a big deal out of THAT NIGHT. But the fact of the matter is, it was a big deal. It was a huge thing for me and even if it wasn't for him, that doesn't make my feelings and emotions any less valid. I think that my strong emotions are important to who I am. I mean, without my tendencies toward extremes, I wouldn't have the passion for life and the zest for my goals that I have. I am driven and that is part of what makes me a special person. Just because it is unattractive to him does not mean that there is not some guy out there who is going to say "Wow, she has a lot of passion, in everything and that is very cool." Maybe it is just my idealism creeping out again but I love my idealism. I like that I try to see things in a positive way, that I hold on to my dreams no matter how fanciful they may be. It has worked well for me in some ways and not so well in others. Screw balance! I love extremes...extreme lows are totally made up for in the fact that my extreme highs are that much higher. I wouldn't like to live in moderation. Maybe some people don't see that as healthy but for me, my theory is that as long as I can learn to channel my desire for extremes into healthy goals and healthy relationships, I will live a full and extremely loving life. Just think how special the people around me must feel to know that if I care for someone I really care for them. I care about their choices, their lives and their success. My friends are real friends because I love so much. I would do anything for my friends, I will do anything to reach my goals and this is all a good thing as long as I make good friends and great goals. Am I right? I think I am right. They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all and I wholeheartedly agree. I would not change THAT NIGHT if it were to mean that I would have to have given up the wonderful way I felt about HIM right up to that moment. All the hurts and trials of my life are valuable and are helping me grow as a person. At that is what my life is about. That is my ultimate goal after all...I am learning how to live. Now if I could just learn how to write in paragraphs...actually for those of you wondering why I don't put my writing in paragraphs it is because I am using this blog as a sort of therepy. I am trying to curb my daydreaming sessions by purging my crazy thoughts and extreme emotions through writing. And that translates into not always gramatically perfect or format perfect writing. My writing comes out exactly how I think it and I do not go back and edit. My thoughts are my thoughts here in this blog, they exist, they are, they are valid, they are raw and unedited. What a truely amazing exercise, don't you agree? As mentioned earlier this blog is not about learning how to "write good" but rather about learning how to live. Yay!