Trying to remain Optmomistic

Well, today was kind of a day of BLAH. I don't know, maybe its because I didn't work out yesterday or today. I usually take one day off in a weekend but not two. Bad Pinky. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day right? I did one good thing though...I was really craving pizza and wings from Pizza73 but I didn't. Had carrots instead...go carrots. :) I caught myself thinking about HIM a little too much today. Wishing I had told him where to go and how to get there, wishing things hadn't worked out how they had...mostly wishing he would come over and just hold me. The thing is he would never do that, that is the fantasy and in the words of Eminem, I had to "snap back to reality." Do you ever feel alone? I have no reason to feel alone, I have great friends, amazing parents, goals, dreams, a solid future. But sometimes I just want to be held you know. Or at least know that somewhere out there, there is someone who wants to hold me. Someone who will see my inner beauty and kiss me but not take it all back when they are sober. Actually it would be great if they could tell me all that when they are sober. My whole theory on the only truly honest people are children and drunks - well it hurts. My friend's five-year-old figured I was 55 years old (I'm only 22) and that's cute. Telling me that you do see the inner beauty and then walking away because HE can't get past my rather padded exterior, well that is just immature, irresponsible and almost immoral. I mean really, am I the bad person? If you asked me 10 minutes ago if I was over that crazy night, I would have said Yes. But I think in reality it hurt me rather deeply. And that is my fault. I let him make me feel inferior and stupid. Well I am not. And its not like he is this evil bad guy either. We've all done things that hurt people and I refuse to believe that everyone is evil. I guess that is just the nature of life. We take risks, we allow people to see our insides and well, sometimes it hurts. I'll be okay and I am happy being civil with him. I just want to not feel alone any more. I can't believe I let him doubt that there is someone out there for me. Hell, even if there isn't that doesn't mean that I can't live a normal, happy healthy life right?