Scared

Okay, I'm scared. I don't know what to do or say or whatever. Things with Ct have been great. We still talk everyday, and after tequilla night at C's, on Sunday, he called me and we went for coffee. Monday night we chatted on MSN and Tuesday night (last night) he and I joined my roomies at the Duke for Karaoke. We weren't there long, but he and I "cuddled" on the couch for a while. Okay, so what do you have to be worried about then, you might ask. The fact of the matter is that physically, this relationship is moving at lightning speed. For me anyway. I'm doing stuff with him, I've never done before and as we get closer and closer to "it" I am starting to panic. I like him a lot. And I like how he makes me feel but I am just not ready to make that step yet. That may seem bizarre since I am getting old (22) and should have done "it" by now...but I'm an old fashioned girl, and for all my talk otherwise, I would really like to wear white on my wedding day and mean it. I don't know though, if I tell him that I'm not ready, how he'll react. Always in the back of my insecure head is the thought that maybe he is just with me for the fooling around. I know I would feel like garbage if I did "give it up"and then we broke up. For me, there just has to be a bigger commitement than that. Part of me wonders though, if it is just by big fear of intamacy creeping in. And if I choose to abstaine, how do I tell him? I told him once that I wasn't ready but that was a week ago, and we've done lots more since then...he could have the wrong impression PLUS, I do some of (not all) the initiating so what if he thinks I'm a tease...what if I lose him and never find anyone else...*crying*